What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
