went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
