Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
