# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
