i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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