I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
