TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
