he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Who died my cat blue again?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
