Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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