Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Randomize
