I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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