if you like me you must not know who I am
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
