8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You are a genius and a whore.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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