I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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