Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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