Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
