Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize