How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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