am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think I sprained my soul last night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
