I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
