Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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