I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
