I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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