i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
