I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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