none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
