were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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