Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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