We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
