I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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