I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
