Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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