Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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