Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
True strength comes from lack of pants
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
