you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
