i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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