I love black thongs
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
