Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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