He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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