he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
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