Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
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