Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
