:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
