I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
