"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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