I want to stick my p in your. b.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
