that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
