he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
