i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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