Jerry, you need to find god
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
