no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
